I was crossing a two lane road. The school bus came up over the hill to my right, speeding. He was so fast he hit me before I got across the road. I was in a 1990 Mazda, he hit the passenger side of the car. No passengers in my car nor in the bus. My car was knocked across the interection, took out a sign, went through the middle of two telephone poles with guy wires, and into a field. I remember vividly being hit, knowing I was dying and praying. Then I remember people yelling around me and telling me to be very still. My chest hurt so bad I was afraid I had crushed my heart or something, I couldn't get much of a breath, and there was blood everywhere. All I could think of were my kids. I'm a Christian, and I know a lot of Christians say they are ready to go to heaven at any time. But I don't want to leave yet. I don't. I love my life and everything that goes with it. I kept saying I didn't want to die. There were a couple of women who stayed right next to the car window with me, and one held my hand and prayed out loud for me. There wasn't a whole lot left of my car, and I know these people have seen cars catch on fire or even blow up from gas tanks, but there were a lot of people who stayed right there and tried to help. An off duty paramedic made sure I didn't move, and stopped the bleeding a couple of places, and then the firemen and paramedics were there. They were trying to get me out, and my radio was still playing the Alan Jackson gospel music cd I had been listening to. One remarked in a good natured way that it was probably having that on that saved me. I don't remember much for a while after that. I do remember how kind people were. I remember how kind the emergency crew was, and how the guy in the ambulance kept talking to me to keep me awake on the way to the hospital.
I did not have very serious injuries at all. I had a broken breast bone and a couple of broken ribs and some lacerations. I was very, very lucky.
For a long time afterward, actually I'm still going through this, I kept wondering why it happened, what I'm supposed to learn from it, what I'm supposed to be doing differently. And I just don't know. I expected some enlightenment, or something to happen to give me an inkling of what to do. And I don't know. Sometimes I feel so pathetic, so worthless, because I should be doing something important. And I just don't have a clue. Don't get me wrong, I am enormously grateful 24/7 for the incredibly wonderful life I have. I have blessings beyond measure every day of my life. I just want to give back more.
My Little Car