nothing

It's a little bit hard. While working on my organization system, I've come across things I've kept from my well, my past life. Things like photos, journals, and a few decorative things from my house (photo album "Before Kingsport"). I feel like I've lost myself.

I don't have a sense of who I am now. My life completely changed after my husband left me after 27 years together. The way he did it, I lost my house, money and credit. I've had to start all over again, and I just haven't done very well. I go from job to job and just don't function very well. And this is after recovering from major depression. I have some depression, but not a lot, I'm on Zoloft and that is a miracle drug for me.

I'm mostly embarrassed to admit that it's been a long time and I'm still floundering. I've gotten over him, after a horrible couple of years. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I want to do. I sound like it just happened, it's been years. Other women pull themselves together and become even better and stronger than they were before. I have people who love me, my kids are incredible, and my brother and his whole family loves me. In a way though, I feel very alone.

I must get myself together and get a good job and save money and take care of loose ends and go to church and help my kids finanacially and become like a real person.

What Happened?

I got home and came right in here to write an article on ADHD. I was looking for a book I was going to use for reference, and I looked under my bed and there was an electrical cord tangled under a storage container. I didn't recognize it, and started pulling on it to see what it went to. I tugged until my blood pressure monitor fell off another storage container. When I saw it, I remembered that I was supposed to be keeping 2x daily track of my bp, per dr's orders. So glad I remembered. So for the first time in about a month, I took my bp. It was high, 165/101, but not as high as it sometimes is. I was wondering exactly how high is high enough to warrant a trip to the ER, so I went online to Google the info. So I ended up on WebMd, and on the home page, there was an ad for one of their slideshows: "Identifying Bad Bugs and Bug Bites." Well, I caught this huge Black Widow Spider the other day and have it in a jar outside, because I was going to take it to Bays Mountain Nature Park to see if the guy there thought it was an extra large Black Widow. I'm sure he would have thought so, but now when I went outside to get the spider in the jar, it seemed to be much smaller than I remembered. The spider appears to have gone on to it's happy web in the sky, and it's shriveled up and is much smaller now that it's it's .... not alive. But, I thought when I caught it....hmmm...I'm not sure I could identify a Brown Recluse Spider, there are so many light brown spiders after all. SO, this afternoon I saw my opportunity to correct that. I clicked on the Bugs slideshow, and started looking at these bugs. Go there and you'll see how easy it is to be sidetracked!  http://www.webmd.com/allergies/slideshow-bad-bugs

I used my google snippet tool to keep one of the photos in case one of those spiders finds me and one of us needs help in identifying the other. I had completely forgotten about the violin shape on the Brown Recluse! Can you imagine?

 

So anyway, I wound my way back to the Hypertension site, by way of updates on new ADHD medications, and I saw that I definitely need to watch my bp closer, but not run to the ER. And about those adhd meds....       JAN

 

Technorati Tags: ADHD,attention deficit disorder,rambling,writing,hypertension,blood pressure,BP,spiders,Black Widow Spider,Brown Recluse Spider,Bays Mountain

 

 

Big Bang Theory

I had to go vote. I couldn't stand the guilt. I've been working on my organization project every chance I get. It's actually working.Not near finished, but it's getting there. Monday nights are so exciting. One of the few times I watch tv. BIG BANG THEORY. 

QUESTION about blog entries

Can I copy my blog entries and put them on another site, in addition to this one? 

ADHD Baby Likes Ducks

I'm participating in a school project with my niece in Seattle. It involves her writing me letters and asking things about my life, and me sending letters back, telling stories from my childhood on. I wrote the first one, which was about my "early years". Thinking about my early childhood of course brought up all kinds of memories. But one glaring thing stood out: I could have been the poster child for ADHD. In the fifties and sixties, I know they knew of Attention Deficit (Hyperactive) Disorder, but I hadn't heard of it, and I know until the seventies, it wasn't much publicized. And for many years, they said adults and females did not have it. If I was growing up now, I think by the time I was two, parents and pretty much everyone around me would have figured it out. I always HAD to be doing something. When I was two, my dad and siblings and I were waiting in the park in downtown Houston for my mom to get off of work. Waiting is not something I've ever been good at. I jumped in the huge pond to get a duck. My dad picked me up by the back of my sunsuit, and I was yelling, "I wanna quack-quack". Well, I was bored, the ducks were there, what was I supposed to do?

When I was writing the letter, all I could think of were incidences that are so clearly ADHD related, but at the time, I was just a hyper kid who couldn't sit still. Academically school was always very easy, but my behavior was so bad I got paddled every year but fourth grade. Most years I was the only girl in the class to do so. Until now, I never really thought much about it, but hey, that's not very common, didn't anyone wonder what the problem was? I was never mean, I'd just get in trouble for talking, interrupting the teacher, laughing and making others laugh. "Disrupting the classroom" is what notes home always said.

It's a whole new world, and people are realizing what a gift and asset ADHD can often be if managed properly. I'd like to manage mine properly. lol.   Jan

Technorati Tags: ADHD,writing,childhood,kids,ducks,school

Ann Taylor and Cuban Black Bean Soup

Technorati Tags: adhd,clothing,sale,Salvation Army,church,Goodwill,jeans,painting,food

K. I'm back home and really am going to get started. I have a pot of Cuban Black Bean Soup on the stove, even splurged and put a little Chorizo in it. Good news, Pat said Goodwill was having the sale, but it was Salvation Army, which I like much more. Every now and then they have a dollar sale where every item of clothing, even heavy coats and shoes, is a dollar. I bought a blue stripe button up shirt and a black sweater. In the past, I've bought several blazers and suit jackets, some brand new, and brands like Jones New York and one Ann Taylor. Yep, for a dollar. I plan on wearing them if I go back to working a regular job and not painting. Painting is very hard on Ann Taylor jackets. The only place I wear anything but jeans is to church, and boys and girls, we know how often Jan goes to church, don't we? Jan comes home and blogs about it and sends church humor stories. Yes, it's been a while. I did go to church a couple of weeks ago, it was on a Saturday afternoon and they were having a pig roast.  Yum, I like that church.  Jan

Dollar Day

Technorati Tags: day care,home,kids,housecleaning,stuff

Crisis. I have no cookies. I stole a Little Debbie's Oatmeal Cream Pie out of somebody's box in the kitchen. Shhh, don't tell. No nutritional value, but somehow I feel better.  

I'm going to try to use the same organizational system I used for many years that worked so well for me. My life then was: raising 3 GREAT kids, having a home day care- keeping 3-5 kids in addition to my own three 50 hours a week, going to college 3 nights a week, and BEING HAPPY. My home was so clean and organized I constantly got comments, and taught the system to some of my day care moms.

So, umm, if I can get away from here, I guess I'll start. Here I go. I'm going now. Hey, remember that commercial with the little boy running away from home, and he was saying that? What was that for? Soup? I don't know. What are/were your favorite commercials? My favorite ever was the elephant dancing in the rain in the jungle. Wasn't that long ago. I also LOVE the one where the boy's with his mom at the bank and he starts putting stuff in the vacuum tube. It flies out and hits cars in the drive-through. He's definitely ADHD. I love him. Pat just called, Goodwill has all their clothes for a dollar today, I gotta go.  jan