It's a little bit hard. While working on my organization system, I've come across things I've kept from my well, my past life. Things like photos, journals, and a few decorative things from my house (photo album "Before Kingsport"). I feel like I've lost myself.
I don't have a sense of who I am now. My life completely changed after my husband left me after 27 years together. The way he did it, I lost my house, money and credit. I've had to start all over again, and I just haven't done very well. I go from job to job and just don't function very well. And this is after recovering from major depression. I have some depression, but not a lot, I'm on Zoloft and that is a miracle drug for me.
I'm mostly embarrassed to admit that it's been a long time and I'm still floundering. I've gotten over him, after a horrible couple of years. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I want to do. I sound like it just happened, it's been years. Other women pull themselves together and become even better and stronger than they were before. I have people who love me, my kids are incredible, and my brother and his whole family loves me. In a way though, I feel very alone.
I must get myself together and get a good job and save money and take care of loose ends and go to church and help my kids finanacially and become like a real person.
Starting over and making decisions, I\'ve been through that and somehow I survived!I\'m good at taking care of others but not me. I\'ve changed that attitude but it took mea long while to care about myself enough to change me and my outlook. You\'ll git there.Ya gotta wake up telling yourself today I\'m gonna make that change. Talking out loud toyourself makes you listen. Lol. We\'re here for ya so never think your alone. Oh and sweety,you are a real person with real problems and you are not alone...okay? Hugs!
ReplyDeleteAwwwwwwww! I wish I could hug you.
ReplyDeleteThere is a big difference between feeling lonely and feeling alone. I hope you find inner peace and comfort soon.
Education often misleads women to think they are nothing or at least not much and that they can only live through others ... you have to fight this idea at all times !!! which is not easy I admit and consider you ARE SOMEONE and that YES, YOU CAN also achieve lots of things. You have to accept and admit you have lots of qualities !!! and from there you can build something interesting for yourself first and for the people around you.
ReplyDeleteTalking to yourself is a good advice as said by Babblelot, but pls say the right things, things that are fine and pleasant to hear ... LOL. Do not compare, you will always find better and worse.
You live HERE AND NOW, the past is gone and the future not yet there. Therefore ENJOY NOW any little thing you see or hear or do - try to see the BEAUTY in everything around you : colored Fall leaves, the bright colors of the pavement when rain falls on it ... etc, etc. ... All those little things together will make you feel GREAT ...
Do not forget to SMILE, and SMILE AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR : you have beautiful eyes, and such a wonderful smile ... yes, yes, believe in what you see !!! Put your head up (no need to carry all that weight of worries ...) ... You have friends and family around you who love you ... TELL THEM YOU ALSO LOVE THEM !
Hopefully you will find how "to boost" your live soon and be yourself ...
Have a nice day and till next time,
Katia
Yes, what everyone below said. It\'s true about talking to yourself positively. When you teach a child to tie their shoelaces, they will repeat it out loud for a while and then under their breaths. You can tell when an adult is having some problems or confusion at a ask when you see them talking to themselves subvocally. It is important to keep the tasks small and speak using positive words. "Oh damn, I\'m awake. Now I have to clean that closet" will have a very different effect than "I\'ll feel good when I get the clothes sorted." The subconscious doesn\'t hear negatives well, even when used with a positive intent. "Don\'t panic" is heard very differently than "Relax." This is harder to do when one is depressed. I know. But it is possible to get back to a place where you feel like you, not a perfect you, perhaps, but a you that you recognize. About saving things; I\'m the one who still has 1 3/4 wedding albums after a marriage of 20 years that ended in 1987. Ex just pulled family and herself out of one but I, of course, kept all the rest.Peace, Doc
ReplyDeleteThank you all so much for your kind words. I almost deleted this entry yesterday because I don\'t want to be a \'whiner\'. But I know it\'s normal to have down days and when I get such positive feedback, it helps me a lot. I\'m feeling very good today, and I\'m working on NOT putting myself down in my head. Big Hugs To You All! Jan
ReplyDeleteI know it sounds like an old cliche but it works for me.....believe in yourself that you can get through all the negative experiences that you have in the past....look at the bright side and be grateful you have a lot of people who love you. You have the power within you to shut down the inner negative voice and focus on the positive things that you have accomplished. Always believe tomorrow is another day and another opportunity to do better and to change the direction of your life.....take care!!
ReplyDeleteOne more suggestion to go along with the other wonderful ones: Sometimes an SSRI like zoloft is not enough. Norepinephine and dopamine can also affect you moods and need addressing. For example, zoloft and prozac helped, but when I added in Wellbutrin for my noepinephrine, that really made the difference. Maybe you could discuss this with your prescribing treatment provider.
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