I'm so happy to have Internet service back! So many things going on, but it seems like I have more time and get more done when I have the Internet. It takes a long time and a lot of gas money to take my laptop somewhere else to use it, so I only do the minimum of what I need, and nothing fun (like blogging!), when I go. Of course the closest place to me with free wifi is McDonald's, and I have to have a little snack or at least a drink while I'm there.  : )   It finally occured to me I could get IS cheaper than gas money and McD's money.

It's All Too Much!

Down to one job, need another part-time. That means...I have time to write! But I'm out of the habit now and not sure I can. Something that's been bothering me more than usual is...It's just TOO MUCH. Everything. News, Information, Technology, groceries, clothes, expectations, EVERYTHING. It all gets mixed up together in my brain until I can't think at all. Everything I come across, if I don't know much about it, I have to look it up. Then often, the more I learn about it, the more upset I get. Fun things are ok, but time consuming. Newsy, informational, scientific, etc...that's what the problem is. I've read so much about our food that I feel paralyzed in the grocery store. Everything I look at, all this information on it runs through my head and I don't want it. Between what it's made of and how it's made, there's not a lot left to eat. Pollution, the negative side of human nature, money, class, poverty...it's enough to make a sane person feel ADHD and an ADHDer nuts. And that's just stuff that affects us directly in our everyday lives.

I think about a simpler lifestyle, mine is simpler already than most of America, but it's still overwhelming to me. I only have an Internet connection a few hours a week, it's off and on and sometimes days before I can connect. I have cable tv, but it's a 13" tv with basic cable, so not a problem of watching too much. This is the first time since 1996 that I haven't had Internet, so it's taking some getting used to, but I'm more productive on the days I don't have it, that's for sure.
I've always been a 'knowledge junkie', but when I was younger that meant a stack of library books every week. Now it means I have to know....now. And then, it's not limiting like a book, it's endless. Look up one thing and it leads to another and another...at least now my connection cuts out so I don't get too carried away. And then, .... what is that bug? Looks like a ladybug with yellow spots....think I can catch it....oh, on other side of the screen, wait....

January Stuff

January already feels like a race, so much to do! How can it be the fifth day of the year and I'm already this far behind? The good part of this is, I have side jobs, and am also submitting a resume tomorrow for a great job. So why am I here blabbing, I mean blogging, instead of tweaking my resume/cover letter? No, I don't know, I'm asking you all why!

Sometimes I just plain can't think.

I've worked every day since I got back from Indiana, that's helped me to not be too sad, missing my grandkids. Noah is 8 weeks old! He's outgrown his newborn clothes already, and he smiles and laughs and coos all the time. He's so happy, and it's impossible to not be happy just looking at him. See?

Not Spring.

Okay, I like cold, I like snow a lot, but I lived in Florida and Texas most of my life. The day after Christmas, I’m done.We always put the holiday things away while listening to Jimmy Buffett and got ready for Spring, which would be there any day. Somehow doing that while snowed in is just not the same. And, it’s a long wait for Spring. 

Oh, here I am.

I lost my blog, I found it, but didn't remember what email I used, so I couldn't sign in. I forgot I created a new email just for it, so I searched my computer and ta-da!
So, anyway, I've had a great Christmas season, I spent time with my daughter and her family, which just happens to include my BRAND NEW GRANDSON! And of course, my wonderful grandaughter, who is 10, and my 16 year old grandson! Then back home, and back to work.
I'm trying to find people from Spaces that I followed, it will take a while to get settled here I guess.  

Live Spaces?

Geez, This was part of a website from Windows Live Spaces. It’s closing and they moved us to WordPress. Nice of ‘em. I think I'd rather have Blogger, but not sure. Certainly open to suggestions! I know everything new like this takes some getting used to, and I’m prone to not like unexpected changes, but so far, I don’t particularly like it. It eliminated most of what I had, and most of the formatting on what it did keep. But, you know, I think I’ll get over it and get used to it. Not really high on my stress list right now. It will just take me a while to set this up.  ~Jan

August New Year’s

      School’s started, new church activities, new friends and opportunities. It seems like this time of year is more like Spring than Spring, and more like the New Year than New Year’s!. For those of us with kids or around kids, I think this has always seemed like the New Year. I find myself wanting new school supplies and new clothes, and it’s been ummm… a ‘while’ since I was in school or had a child in school.

     Does every state have a weekend or more a year where there is no tax on school supplies and clothing? Ours was this weekend, and I got a pair of jeans and a new shirt, plus some pens, markers and a notebook. I’m ready just in case I find a class I can take. I’m taking a free Spanish course online…does that count? I really needed new jeans for that.

     As usual, the clothing I tried on was made much smaller than last year. I don’t know what it is, that every year the sizes shrink. Five years ago I was a size 7 or 8 jeans, or a size 29 in guys. The pants have gotten so small I’m now a size 12 or 13. I took a size 11 in juniors with me, and did get them on…well, they were stuck around my knees, and even hopping up and down tugging on them didn’t make them budge. I kind of fell against the dressing room door while hopping around, and scared the daylights out of the people waiting, good thing it had an actual door and not those curtains a lot of them have, or I would have come through the curtains and ended up on top of one of the ladies from the senior citizen group that had come in on a bus, who were all waiting to try on their beaded, glittery butterfly shirts. (54 is NOT a senior citizen, just because she belongs to the Senior Citizen Center downtown! I don’t even get a discount at McDonald’s yet.) So then, after I recovered, I did get a 12 on, but it took me a long time and I actually laid down on the bench in the dressing room while buttoning and zipping and for some reason my face turned red and I was feeling a little woozy. I may have done permanent damage to my tummy. So, anyway, I got a 14 and felt fine. I don’t want to talk about the shirts.

     Does everyone have their new #2 yellow pencils sharpened??

Technorati Tags: school,church,seasons,clothes,shopping,yellow pencils,tax free,jeans,hopping

Carpet vs. Jan

I'm trying to do a few home projects this weekend. I want to remove the carpeting in my room. I think it's causing problems with my asthma, but when I'm going through asthma stuff, I think everything causes problems. I can't take everything out of my room, so I'm cutting up the carpet a piece at a time. I would not recommend this process for anyone other than a slightly loony asthmatic on heavy pharmaceuticals. Pat walked in earlier, I'm there in the floor with a particle mask on, with sweat running down my face, my reading glasses half falling off, pulling backwards on a stubborn piece of carpet, just as she opened the door, the carpet came up and I went down. haha. Not really funny, I thought.
So, what am I going to do when I get the carpet up? There's only the subfloor, not the old hardwood floors I had hoped for. I can't afford to do anything nice. I might just paint it with floor paint, and later put in new floor cover. At least it would stop the dust and all in the room.

Happy Birthday Girls!

My girls are having birthdays. Lisa was 35 last Saturday, Nicki is 38 today. My son Jesse, turned 30 in January. I'm so proud of them, I could never find the words to explain how I feel. I love them so much, and I wonder why God choose me to bless as their mom. Thank You God. Thank You.

my space is a mess

Geez, I had no idea that big 'ol skydrive box was on the front of my page. That's what I get for not coming around I guess. I feel like I had toilet paper hanging from my shoe and didn't know. I think I got rid of it, not sure yet. I've just been aggrivated over the amount of junk mail and spam I'm getting with this address. I only use it for live spaces.

I still don't know how you all do this with working all the time and kids and life! I miss you!   jan

Bunny Eggs

Happy Easter to you! The Easter Bunny did not come here, but he sent me an email saying to meet him at Target in the morning by the big Clearance sign! Oh Goody! I made a traditional Easter dinner today, and am just taking it easy, enjoying a day off this afternoon. It's in the 70's and sunny, just gorgeous.
The other night on Jay Leno, they had the segment where they ask people outside questions, and that night the questions were about Easter. It's amazing, I know they must have a hundred good answers for every one crazy answer, at least I hope they do. There were quite a few people who were explaining about the Easter Bunny laying eggs. That darn Cadbury bunny, he's totally rewritten biology. lol.

Dizzy

I'm going through my boxes of papers and 'stuff', and throwing things away. I am finally at the point, where it doesn't matter. I don't want it. I kept thinking, this is who I was, I will find my way back there, I will become the way I used to be. Duh, it finally hit on me, no, it doesn't happen like that. It's like the wake of a boat, it's there, it's real, and then it's gone and new wake is there. Constantly changing. You don't go back and look for the wake that you saw before, no matter how much you liked it. It's gone and pay attention because there's a new one. It's ever changing, good, bad, and middle, it just 'is'.

And, another thing is, how can I make room for 'new' if my arms are still full of the 'old'. Put it down, let it go, then there's room for new. That's true even in a very basic sense, whether it's new experiences, ideas, clothing, anything. Even with clothing, I'd feel like, I don't like it, but I can wear it and what if I get rid of it and I can't get another one. I will get another one when it's time. That's it. I'm not going to be naked, I will have clothes. And every single thing I need.

It's harder with my personality and the traits that make or made up who I used to be. But what if, what if, what if....there's not new, there's nothing? That's what I've been afraid of for so long. I had one way to define myself, and I liked it fine, and if I didn't have that, would I even exist? I was so afraid.

I asked God so many times to help me, to let me know what to do, and He was, but I didn't know it. He gently brought me along this path, gave me choices, and helped me and loved me every minute. I fall down a lot, and maybe always will, but He stays right there and helps me up, no matter what I do wrong. I have been working on trusting Him to lead me, trusting that He knows the way when I don't have a clue. I'm trying to let go of all my "but what if's" and just treat each day as if it were a wonderful gift given to me. Because it is.

It's funny, I had an image in my head when I was writing that, of God standing there with his arms folded and a bored, but loving, look on his face while he watched me running around him in circles over and over again, panicking trying to figure everything out and where He was and He was right there beside me, waiting for me to calm down and listen.

I know this stuff sounds weird or very simple to a lot of people, but this has been serious stuff for me. I feel like I stopped running around in circles and I'm very much aware of God being with me. I want to remember I'll probably always get sidetracked and go off looking for Him and not paying attention, but maybe with each time, I'll find my way back faster. As long as I find my way back, I'll be okay.

Books, movies, music.

I'm trying to tackle adding favorite books to my Space. I have so many, so many. On so many different topics. I only keep books that I love. I live in a little room, and have over 700 books. And of course, I read several a week from the library. I'm an information junkie for sure. I HAVE to know things. If I see a tree I don't know, or hear a word I don't know the meaning of, I can't stand it. I gotta find out. And of course, the more you know, the more you realize you DON'T know much at all, so it's a viscous circle, I'll tell ya.

So I'm at least trying to add some of the authors I like. As far as fiction goes, I don't read a lot of fiction, and most of it is very light. It's like an hour vacation for me, and I love to just escape with a light mystery like Grafton's or Evanovich's.

Movies are the opposite problem, I'm not a movie person. I can't sit still to get through a whole movie anyway. So I'll just list a few I liked enough to buy them. And music, I only like a little bit of music.   I know, what's with me anyway??

Catch-Up

I came home from work and took a nap. 4 hours. Is that a nap or am I done for the day/night? I feel better though. Every now and then you just gotta indulge in some good sleep.

I've been wrestling with the asthma/bronchitis stuff for a month or so, but I did go months without it. Then the day before Spring, I had had a cold, and was getting worse so I went to the doc, hoping to head off the circle of respiratory stuff. Too late, bronchitis and pneumonia. Almost made it all the way through the winter. I wish I had answers for this stuff. I do NOT want to be on meds full-time. They are saying that's what I need to do, but I just think I have so much time without symptoms, I'm not ready to take pills and steroid inhalers every day. I have lung damage and asthma from growing up in a house where both parents smoked. I never smoked. My parents both smoked 2+ packs a day, but we didn't have money for proper groceries or medical help, bought a lot of our school clothes at Goodwill, etc...but they had money for cigarettes. NOT that I'm ANGRY or anything. lol. I know we all make mistakes, they made them and so do I. Just different ones. My brother has similar respiratory issues, but my 2 sisters do not. Go figure.

Hey, it was in the 80's yesterday, bright and sunny. Gorgeous. It's going to snow tonight! I love the changes. Love them! Supposed to have snow the next couple of days, doubt it stays on the ground long after the warm weather we've had. Oh, I just heard the news, it's snowing now in the area. I'm in the northeast corner of Tennessee, in the mountains. Kingsport. Gorgeous place. But Eastman is heck on my asthma, I'll tell ya.      

So many personalities, so little time.

I have multiple facebook, twitter, myspace, windows live, and blogger sites that I can't even find. So many personalities, so little time...

And the websites, if it's free...I got one. I just don't know where they are or what I named them or the password. I feel so guilty taking up all this cyberspace. Most delete them after a certain amount of time, so I hope like bad debts only years faster, they are gone.

This and 1 of my facebooks is all I ever show up for. I was following me on Twitter but I got lost. Oh dear.

I'm Rich! almost

Since Spaces changed format a few months ago, my email spam has changed. I'm getting a lot of weirdo email, and I never have before. Well, except for...you know who you are...lol. I'm quite the International "Who's Who", I'm getting emails from all over the world. Evidently, Nigeria is the place to be right now, lots of money floating around, I can't wait until my loot gets here.

I didn't even know I had relatives in Lome, Togo. I thought that was in the South Pacific, but no, believe it or not, it's next to my relatives in Ghana and Nigeria. There's a little country called Benin in between, so far I haven't heard from anyone there. Anyway, evidently I come from quite wealthy family, and I'll be receiving millions of US dollars very soon. I'm so excited! I've already gone shopping and written checks on a few items.

Here are a couple of excerpts from today's emails:

I am Barrister George Godwin, a legal practitioner, I am the personal attorney to Mr.J.Jannaj, a national Of your country, who used to work with Shell Development Company in Lome Togo. He used to be my client.

 

I have a profiling amount in an excess of US$19MILLION, which I seek you to accommodate for me. You will be rewarded with 30% of the total sum for your partnership. We deal on Gold,  HMS 1 & 2, COCO, RS 50/60.

The funds  have  since left to a  private financial  institution where the where the fund was deposited.While I was on the process, my boss recently got arrested on January 19th,2009  for his involvement in politics by financing the leading and opposing political parties in our country Ghana.

All I need from you is to stand as the beneficiary of the above mentioned sum and  I will  re-profile the funds with your data, which will enable the financial company release the money.This transaction has to be concluded as soon and as I confirm your readiness to proceed with me,I will provide you with details.

I hate this stuff showing up, and this is just scam spam. The weird stuff makes me want to cancel my account. Ewwww.

Where's the beef? Or pork?

I am SO happy over the weather! I even have a little bit of a sunburn from working outside last weekend.I cleaned up leaves and branches and cleaned, sanded and painted the charcoal grill. It's all ready for you to bring ribs over! Wouldn't it be cool if we could have everyone on our friend's list over for a barbecue?

 

I'm going to a church retreat this coming weekend, I'm really looking forward to it. It's supposed to be rainy and in the 40's, but even staying inside will be great.        

 

 

To Me, when feeling depressed.

  Letter to me, when I'm feeling depressed:

Dear Grumpy Sweetie-Pie,

I know you feel yucky, but I want to remind you that it's okay to feel this way sometimes. Hey, remember when you felt like this for months? Yeah, that wasn't fun. You don't go through that kind of depression now. Just a day or two of hiding under the covers, or a few days of blah, glass is almost empty type of blues. If it's worse than that, sleep, call your therapist, and wait. But the first thing to do, is to take an extra half of a Zoloft, and two Excedrin. Really, the chemicals from being depressed are much worse for you than those.

If you're hiding under the covers, and you don't want to change that, then hey, go with it. Lay there, sleep, eat, cry, whatever. Within an hour or a few hours, you will have a thought of something you'd rather do than lay there. That's when you start feeling better. Get up and start doing whatever it is you thought of.

If you don't want to lay around, then try these things: Read a fiction book, preferably a mystery. Have Pat go get you a couple at the library. Eat something very yummy, preferably with ice cream. Enjoy it. Smile, make yummy sounds, etc. You Deserve Yumminess. Get some of your Sark books out. Say a prayer of thanks. Say a prayer of asking for help. Call Jesse. Don't do what you're 'supposed' to be doing...there's a good chance you're depression is from being overwhelmed with a project or the number of things you 'need' to do. Don't do those right now. Work on your photos, write, make something cool, organize, move stuff, clean your desk, whatever sounds fun.

If you can...shower, dress and go out. Pier One and/or the bookstore always cheer you up. If you can't do that, then put on your baseball cap and ragged jeans and go out anyway. Or just go out in the yard. Look in the shed. Feed the birds. Go see the kids next door.

If you're functioning fairly well, but just very blah/bluesy, go to the bookstore and read, take your laptop with you or to Panera's. Spend a dollar on a bagel, drink water, and they'll be happy to have you. Nah, they're happy to see me even if I just get water. lol. Try to make yourself go to work, no matter what. You can come home if you don't feel better within an hour. Remember all the times you go and within a few minutes, you're involved helping somebody else, and feeling better.

Remember, if you're going to be depressed, do it right. Make sure people who see you know you're depressed. Slouch, walk with your head down. Walk slow, shuffle feet a little if you can do it without tripping, none of this ADHD bouncy stuff...that just ain't right. Don't smile, no matter what. Not even at babies. Okay, that's impossible, go ahead and smile at babies, but don't expect the depression to hang on very long if you're out smiling at babies!

Job Hunt

Aww, another Monday without Big Bang Theory. New episodes start March 17. Yippee! It is so wonderful to have a life that I can even THINK about tv shows and when missing one is actually a negative thing. lol.

Worked today, but probably not the rest of the week. I need to job hunt. For something. Somewhere. I'm tired of being a Brain Scientist/Rocket Surgeon, there's just no challenge to it anymore.    Jan

Fun With Church

I didn't go to church today. As some know, I've been looking for a 'home' church. I am a born-again Christian, but am not particular about a church's denomination. I love the diversity and freedom we have to worship in so many different ways, in and out of church. I've been awfully sober, no pun intended, in my writing today, so I wanted to offer a little lighthearted entry this time. These things show up in my email so often, from so many different places, I don't know how to begin to give acknowledgements or ask for permissions to put them in here. I can just say I did not write them. But I did laugh out loud at them.

No Excuses

To make it possible for everyone to attend church next Sunday, we are going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday."

Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."

There will be a special section with lounge chairs for those who feel that our pews are too hard.

Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching TV late Saturday night.

We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I ever came to church."

Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold, and fans for those who say it is too hot.

Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list all the hypocrites present. A prominent space will be allotted at the top of the card for the cardholder to write his own name down first on that list.

Relatives and friends will be in attendance for those who can't go to church and cook dinner, too.

We will distribute "Stamp Out Stewardship" buttons for those that feel the church is always asking for money.

One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.

Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.

The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who never have seen the church without them.

We will provide hearing aids for those who can't hear the preacher and cotton for those who can!

Hope to see you there! --------Author Unknown.

 

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Amish: What’s a light bulb?

Baptists: At least 15 - One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Charismatic: Only 1 - Hands are already in the air.

Episcopalians/Anglicans: 3 - One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Lutherans: None - Lutherans don't believe in change.

Methodists: Undetermined - Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Pentecostal: 10 - One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None - Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None - Candles only.

Unitarian Universalists: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

 

REASON TO KEEP QUIET IN CHURCH

A mother was giving instructions to her three children as she sent them into Sunday school, "And, why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Her son quickly responded, "Because people are sleeping!"